When a child goes to hospital or has additional medical needs, brothers and sisters can feel afraid, worried or confused. They are being faced with new and confusing situations. They may hear and see things that they do not understand, experience changes to their usual routines or be separated from their parents, brother or sister.

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Supporting siblings while preparing for a hospital admission

When a child goes to the hospital or has medical concerns, brothers and sisters can feel afraid, worried or confused. They are being faced with new and confusing situations. They may hear and see things that they do not understand, may experience changes to their usual routines or may be separated from their parents, brother or sister. Each child has his or her own concerns when a brother or sister requires medical treatment.

The following tips from SibsUk will help you understand how your child may be feeling and how to involve and support them.

Mark the dates on a calendar and talk about what is going to happen and when.  Discuss what routines will be in place for them while you are away, and who will help to look after them. Ask if there are any particularly important things happening during that time; things at school or a friend’s birthday party. Reassure them that they can still do these things and that whoever is looking after them will be told how important they are and will make sure they happen.

Children need matter of fact information about surgery or treatment. Use drawings to explain the treatment or surgery, explain about anaesthetic and pain relief after the operation, talk about how it will benefit their brother or sister, talk about some of the things that may happen in hospital. With very young children you can role play with toys to explain the procedures. Include normal everyday procedures as well, such as having food and playing with toys, so that familiar things are included too.

If siblings are worried, tell them that you feel concerned too, and that it is normal to feel concerned when someone needs treatment or an operation. Also let them know you have confidence in the doctors and nurses and that you trust them to take good care of their brother or sister. Reassure them that you will advocate for your sick or disabled child’s needs and that their brother/sister will be well looked after.

Get siblings to help you pack a bag for their brother or sister’s stay in hospital. Ask them if there’s something they’d like to put in the bag that their sibling can take with them while they are in the hospital – like a photo, a letter, or small toy.

Ask relatives and friends to also bring something for siblings when they visit, to ask them about things at home, how they feel, and to make a fuss of him/her.

This is a tricky time for siblings and it is normal to get a temporary decline in behaviour. It is important that relatives don’t ask a sibling to be good or to help mum or dad when a brother or sister is in hospital and instead empathise with how difficult it might be for them to have their parents and brother or sisteraway from home.

Visit your child’s school, explain what is going to happen, and request that a sibling is treated sensitively during this time – they may not work as well, they may be distracted, and may miss some school to visit hospital. Find out if there are any things coming up that you would like to be present for and make plans accordingly. Ask teachers to make sure there are no negative consequences in school as a result of a brother or sister being in hospital. Get them to keep a note of work covered so that you can go over it at a later date.

Original content created and shared with kind permission from Sibs UK

Supporting siblings during a hospital admission

The most significant factor influencing a sibling adjusting to a hospital stay is the length of time their parent(s) and brother or sister are away. Ensuring that you see them as much as possible during this time is the most important thing you can do to support them. If the hospital is near, try to see them every day and, if further away, try to keep the intervals between visits as short as possible. The long-term benefits will outweigh the inconvenience and expense that arises in the short-term. Other things that can help are:

  • Make sure to leave the ward to do something with a sibling outside of the hospital. Ask friends or relatives to sit with your sick child while you’re away. Alternatively, Children In Hospital Ireland can organise having a volunteer stay with your child for an hour or two during this time.

  • Ask siblings to keep you up-to-date with what is going on in their lives. Perhaps they could write letters, draw pictures, or ask someone else to keep a diary of all they have been doing so that you can talk about these everyday things together. Siblings need to feel that these normal things are still important to you.

  • Ask if they’d like to make a card for their brother or sister in hospital, but do not force them

  • Give the sibling something from their brother or sister, like a card or small gift, so that the giving goes both ways.

  • Allow the sibling to do helpful things for your sick child, like wipe their mouth or comb their hair, if the sibling would like to do this.

  • If your sick child has to be in isolation to prevent infection, see if the sibling can speak to them on the phone. Keep contact between the children going.

  • Try to maintain usual routines and expectations – normal bedtimes, good eating habits, and behaviour standards as before – if you are lax about these the child can feel that you don’t care enough about them to impose rules.

  • Ensure their is someone around to listen to the sibling and give them attention while you are away.

  • Role model getting help and support for yourself. Look after yourself by talking through your concerns with friends/professionals, so that you have an outlet for your own worries. If the sibling knows that you are coping and feeling OK about things, they will likely feel better too.

Original content created and shared with kind permission from Sibs UK

Sibling activities and supports

See below for support organisations who provide supports for the siblings of a sick child.

Many condition-specific support organisations provide supports and activities for the whole family. Search our database to find other supports and resources that may be valuable for your family.

2023-10-26T06:37:53+00:00
Family Carers – Young Carers – Sibling Supports

Family Carers – Young Carers – Sibling Supports

Family Carers – Young Carers – Sibling Supports

familycarers.ie | youngcarers@familycarers.ie| Freephone Careline- 1800 240724

Family Carers Ireland provides a range of support to help Siblings/Young Carers and Young Adult Carers look after themselves, these include: Individual and Family Support, Young Carer Support Groups, National Events, Free Young Carer Card, Young Carers in Education

Grief and loss supports

See below for resources and organisations to help in supporting children who are coping with the loss of a sibling.

For more information on bereavement and the different supports available to you, please click here